sports orgy thursday.

When I saw the final score of the Lakers game Tuesday night, I nearly gizzed all over myself just thinking about what was coming Thursday. Two words: sports orgy.

I vowed not to watch Game 6 of the 2010 NBA Finals between my Lakers and the hated Celtics. Why? Well, because while I was watching Game 3 last week I was so fucken nervous/angry/distraught by the early (keyword: early) onslaught by the Celtics and worse, the gloating by their, to put it lightly, fucking fans I started getting sick to my stomach and decided to turn the television off. The end result? Lakers win. Seriously, I’m 32 I don’t need this level of stress. I don’t even have kids yet! Not to mention – well I’m mentioning it now – the images from the 2008 NBA Finals of Paul Pierce crying like the little [add whatever adjective you like here] that he is, getting rolled off on a wheelchair then coming back and killing the Lakers and eventually winning the series while their fans rejoiced like a bunch of idiots, haunts me in my nightmares to this very day. I do not need another Paul Pierce memory bouncing around in my skull. I think I take sports too serious sometimes.

Game 7 is Thursday and I seriously feel like GOD has created a mini-heaven on earth but potential hell for me. Not just because that game will be the equivalent of the Super Bowl of basketball and break all kinds of NBA Finals ratings records but because it’s between two of the most storied franchises in all of sports, one of which is the team that I have been cheering for since I was a little shit riding around in my BMX, taunting my sisters, not giving a fuck about anything other than little league baseball and my favorite sports teams winning championships. Yes, even the Dodgers and Raiders. In sum, don’t be surprised if Jesus returns and is sitting court side next to Jack on Thursday. Stay tuned.

I’m not finished though.

The Mexican National team will play France in the World Cup on the same blessed/cursed day. The World Cup is held every four years, so think about the likelihood of this happening on the same day. It’s fucken nuts. Before John Wooden died he answered a question about the secret to a long life, by stating, “Don’t let the peaks get too high and the valleys too low.” I couldn’t help but think of that quote and how the silly world of sport creates peaks and valleys for fans like me. I mean, they’re just sports right? Why must the outcome of a bouncing ball carry so much weight in the hearts and minds of the fan? I have no idea but I will think about John Wooden on Thursday because to be perfectly honest, a Laker and Mexico win will be the equivalent of having your birthday, the day you lost your virginity, the day you discovered Bob Marley and your first night in Europe rolled into one. Quite the peak right? On the flip side, if both teams lose and Paul Pierce and Co. get the privilege of celebrating another championship in my city, five miles down the 110 Freeway from me and Mexico loses to the French, it may be on par with my girl telling me she’s moving to her mom’s for a couple of weeks to think about our relationship. I’m from Monte but I’d rather take an ass beating than reach that valley and have my heart broken like that. Patch, Smy… “we got it, we got it, we got it…”

Go Lakers! Vamos Mexico!